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When reports emerged that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, families grappling with a loved one’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common risks of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehab and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or death, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can get over this disease, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”